Life is so beautiful
Scroll down to observe the random thoughts, amusements and rantings of a 21 year old eating disordered genderqueer.
your lowest weight is not a trophy, it doesn’t make you special or better or worse than anyone else, you are no more important, you are no more sick, you are no more accomplished than anyone else because of it. it doesn’t make you lovely, or precious, or dainty or delicate. you were sick. whatever the number you were sick sick sick very, very sick. and you still are. get better so that number no longer defines you.
Lonesome George (c. 1912 - June 24, 2012) was the last Pinta Island Tortoise in existence. His subspecies was wiped out by invasive feral goats who devastated the native vegetation, leaving nothing for the tortoises to feed on. Found to be the only survivor of his kind, he was relocated from his native island in 1971 to the Charles Darwin Research Station on Santa Cruz Island where he stayed until he died of old age in 2012.
From David Attenborough’s encounter with Lonesome George in Life in Cold Blood.
this makes me so sad
Ed: You're fat.
Me: My weight is medically healthy and my clothes size is not significantly bigger than most people around me.
Ed: You shouldn't eat that:
Me: All food has benefits, there is no such thing as bad food and it's OK to eat everything in moderation. Eating this now will not make me gain weight / look ugly / be unhealthy.
Ed: Look at the size of your thighs! (stomach / hips / arms...)
Me: I have an Eating disorder. One of the symptoms of an ED is distorted body image. I can not trust my eyes, or you.
Ed: You're too fat to go out today.
Me: My weight is not visibly any different to yesterday or last week. The only person who notices the tiny fluctuations my body makes is me - because of you.
Ed: You don't need dinner today. (lunch . breakfast / snack)
Me: Skipping meals pushes my body into starvation mode and makes it much more likely that I will binge later on and eat even more calories than if I had just eaten this meal.
Ed: Why are you sitting still? do something you fat cow!
Me: My body needs rest so it can repair itself partly from years of listening to you, and partly because life is generally hard going on my mind and my body. Resting now will give me more energy later on.
Ed: You can't eat that, you don't know how many calories are in it.
Me: The nutritional breakdown of this single meal will have no affect on my weight whatsoever. Calories are used by my body over a week -not a day, and certainly not one meal.
Ed: You should binge.
Me: binging will only make me feel a different kind of bad, and the things you want me to avoid through binging will still be there to deal with tomorrow or later.
Me: Purging is an ineffective method of controlling my weight. Only half the calories are "purged", it dehydrates me, damages my teeth and my throat, it can induce a heart attack and leaves me more likely to over eat due to hunger later on.
You are enough. Paint it on your mirrors, on the back of your eyelids, drown it in your stomach, sing it in every word you say. You are never too much. Eat your food, sleep eight hours, walk like you love yourself. You are enough. Say it in your sleep, mantras to carry you through your day. There is never enough of you. You are a thirst that is never quenched. I crave you when you’re away. I love every piece of you. But I cannot make you love yourself.
— Michelle K., You Are Enough. (via cold-winter-days)